I must be too annoying 4 u.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
