I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
