She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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