You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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