you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
