after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
