My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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