Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
