someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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