Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
