I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
