Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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