If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
