she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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