ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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