Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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