Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
