Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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