Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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