: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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