I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
