"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
