Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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