is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
