I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
