I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize