you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
