Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
