My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
