Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
