I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
