Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
