Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize