At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I want to have your abortion
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
