She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
