my room smells like sperm. sweet.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!