in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.