I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.