i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine