The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
