She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
