I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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