Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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