the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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