He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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