I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
