Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
