How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How does one acquire holy water?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
