We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
