What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think people are normalizing furries
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
