Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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