dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
