I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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