He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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