The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
