Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
