his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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