I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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