I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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