Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
