just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
