So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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