I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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