He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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