Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
