Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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