i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
