when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
