I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
