My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
