Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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