where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
