hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
