don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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