ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
