When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think my moral compass just broke
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
